When you’re depressed you find yourself looking in the mirror at an ugly wreck of a person. Your perception of beauty is clouded by your lack of self-esteem. Viewing yourself as a beautiful human being is almost unthinkable. You forget the meaning of beauty. Maybe somewheres in your past people put you down and made fun of a physical flaw you have. This teasing led you to hate your looks, and your illness just seems to magnify your lack of self-image. The question is what makes you beautiful?
Growing up I was always the biggest one of all my siblings. I’ve never been skinny. Even my parents were skinny. I wasn’t like my older sister who spent hours putting make up on and doing her hair. I never cared for makeup and I was happy with brushing my hair and going. My classmates teased me about my looks. I was out of style and, according to them, ugly. I felt inferior to my classmates and siblings. I didn’t fit in. I began to believe I was ugly.
Teachers took me aside and tried to show me how to put makeup on, wear stylish clothes, and do up my hair. I tried my best to improve my looks, but it wasn’t good enough. My teachers pointed out when my clothes didn’t match and my makeup was smudged. I even tried getting a perm, but I looked like a puff ball. I hated how I looked; I hated myself. I dreamed of being skinny like a model with gorgeous hair. I just wanted to be beautiful.
My depression increased my feelings of self-loathing. I thought of myself as a hideous, fat pig. How could anyone ever think of me as beautiful? I was anything but beautiful. My hair was a mess, my clothes were out of style and I hated makeup and jewelry. I wasn’t like a normal woman. I didn’t even like dresses. I disliked looking at myself in the mirror.
Even when I dated, the men didn’t even comment on how good I looked or do anything to make me feel pretty. It wasn’t until I met my husband that I started to see myself differently. From the first date on, he told me how beautiful I was and still am. He treated me like a princess. He told me, “When I first saw you, I thought you were hot.” Each day he would say things like, “You’re gorgeous,” “Hi, beautiful,” and “You’re the most prettiest woman I ever saw.” This helped boost myself esteem.
I asked him, “Why do you think I’m beautiful when I don’t wear makeup, do fancy stuff with my hair, or wear jewelry?” He replied, “You’re beautiful just the way you are inside out.”
Through him I learned you don’t need to fancy yourself up to be beautiful. You don’t need a skinny body or fancy clothes. Beauty isn’t just on the outside; it’s also inside. God makes everyone beautiful inside out. Maybe sometimes people are too blind to see your beauty, and sometimes you can’t see your own beauty, but it’s there. God doesn’t make ugly people. Even with our flaws, there is beauty. We are God’s creation and he gives each of us our own unique qualities that make us beautiful.
So if you’re feeling ugly, look in the mirror. Take a good look. Stand there for several minutes until you can see something about yourself you like. Maybe it’s the curve of your lips or your button nose. Then list the things you like about your personality. Are you a good listener, are you funny, are you kind or are you friendly? If you look hard enough, you’ll see you have beauty inside and outside. You’re a beautiful unique individual and that’s how God made you. Once you find your beauty, you’ll be able to learn to love yourself.
With Lou’s help and therapy, I have learned to love myself as I am. I now know I have beauty within and out. I am proud of how I look and who I am. I don’t need makeup to look beautiful; I am beautiful just the way God made me. Since I have found my beauty, I am glowing within the light.