Life is very unpredictable. It constantly throws us into rough times. Bad stuff happens over and over again. We lose hope; we feel helpless and wonder if there is an end to the rough time. We are told that God doesn’t give us any more than we can handle, but yet we ask, “How much more can I handle?” It’s easy for someone with mental illness, and even for someone without, to be unable to see anything good in our lives.
You all know about my struggles last years with breast cancer and two surgeries within three months, but I had other struggles before that. Not as bad as cancer, but bad enough. Over the years I have gone to physical therapy for tendonitis in my shoulders, ankles and knees, for plantar fascists, back injuries and so on. I’ve had a surgery to remove my gallbladder then two years later a procedure done to relieve plantar fasciitis, and two years after that I had a detached tendon in my ankle repaired. I’ve worn that annoying boot many times. A year after my ankle repair I was diagnosed with cancer.
Since I returned from work after my hysterectomy I’ve had a pain in my heel. Each time I stand at work, the pain gets worse. When I walk, I feel the pain shooting throughout my foot. When I sit down and get up, I can barely walk. I wanted to ignore the pain with the hope it would go away on its own.
I told Lou to promise me I wouldn’t have to go to my foot doctor. He agreed that I could wait if I iced my foot. So each night I rolled my foot over a frozen bottle of ice, and I did stretches I learned from my many trips to physical therapy. The pain continued to get worse and Lou noticed I was limping more. He insisted I go to the foot doctor. I resisted. I argued with him about it. Haven’t I been through enough? I don’t want another surgery, procedure or therapy. With my history of foot problems I feared the worse.
Reluctantly I scheduled an appointment. My podiatrist diagnosed me with tendonitis and plantar fascists. He wrote me out a slip for physically therapy and agreed not to put an injection in my foot unless I really needed it. When I got home I cried. All I wanted was a healthy 2019.
I asked God, “Why me? How much are you going to let me go through? Haven’t I been through enough?”
Deep sadness filled my soul. It seemed like nothing but bad things happen to me. My health problems and bad luck were endless. I couldn’t help but feel like God was punishing me. I told Lou whatever happens I refuse to have another surgery. I’d rather suffer. My heart shattered. Depression threatened to overtake me.
My Friend Cheryl texted me, “Even though you have had negative things happening to you, you have also had positive things happen. Write in your journal the good things.”
So in my journal I wrote: I had two stories published in Alexander Kovarovic’s book, Change Your Life. I was given a chance to buy the book at a low price, sell them at a higher price, and keep the profits. I was made assistant to the director of the National Youth Internet Safety and Cyberbullying Taskforce Inc. I’m helping make a difference in people’s lives. I have a good loving and supportive husband.
My friend Roberta instant messaged me, “It’s not that the Lord doesn’t give you more than you can handle. It’s that he helps you handle all that happens. Just like he helped you handle cancer and mental illness.”
She’s right. God has gotten me through a lot. He has never left my side. Even when I doubted God’s existence, he was there and he will be there to get me through this too. Despite the bad, God has given me good things and is helping me reach out to others through my writing. I might be struggling with heel pain, but I am also making a difference within this world. I might have to go through physical therapy, but I won’t be doing it alone God will be at my side.
If a lot of negative things are happening in your life and everything seems hopeless, take a moment to write down the positive things in your life. If you look around you you’ll see that despite the darkness there is light. For every bad thing that happens to us, there is something good. Instead of asking God, “How much more can I take?”, ask him, “Lord, will you help me get through this?” Than believe he will be there no matter what.
With the help of the Lord I will get through the tendonitis and plantar fasciitis. Because I believe he is at my side, I will overcome this rough time and in time I will dance within the light, pain free.