SPEAKING EVENT

While I was writing my memoir, a fellow writer told me that I was going to become an advocate. She was right. Since my book came out, I have become very passionate about speaking out against bullying and sharing my experience with the world. My book is a testimony of the bad effects bullying has on a child, and the effects are the same for an adult. I am proof a person can rise from that bullying to help others. I believe God helped me write my book so I can help others.

Saturday, I gave a talk at McCord Memorial Library in North East, PA. Twenty-four people attended. So far that is the biggest audience I have had for my talks. Most of those who came were older people. One lady whom I had met through Facebook brought her teenage son who was facing bullying. I spoke from the heart and received a big applause at the end. Many told me how inspirational my talk was, some shared experiences with bullying, and many told me I am an excellent advocate for those who have been bullied. It was great, but I realized something. I need to find a way to speak to younger adults and children of all ages.

I’m working with a lady from my church speak to the youth group. I need to also find ways to speak at schools. I have a customer who works at a local school who hopes to have me speak there, but I haven’t heard anything from her yet. If you have suggestions on how I can bring my messages to schools and parents of children, please leave a comment.

A common question I have been getting from my readers is “How do you become an advocate?”

There are different kinds of advocates. My friend Alexander Kovarovic gave me some advice on this topic.  This is what he told me: Advocates are people who want to step up to make the world a better place for a certain reason like suicide prevention, bullying, domestic violence and more. This can be as simple as people sharing things on social media, going to events etc. Advocates are also people work on creating laws, people who run nonprofits and people who run charity events. To become an advocate, it’s good to start by volunteering for a nonprofit.

For me I became part of a nonprofit organization called National Internet Safety and Cyberbullying Taskforce (which is now called The One Life Project). First, I wrote blog posts for them and then I helped them set up events and interview volunteers. Then my book came out and I began to set up speaking and book signing events. Then being an advocate fell into place. I found myself able to stand up in front of people and speak from the heart without even planning my speech.

I think the biggest part of becoming an advocate is to find a topic you may have lived through and rise above or something you passionately want to change and speak out about it. Find a nonprofit that deals with your topic and volunteer. Learn as much as you can about your cause and how you can help others. Be willing to speak at events in front of crowds of people. If you have experience with your topic then share your story. Your story can help many.

I believe my talks and my book is helping many. I received a email from a reader who said by reading my book she learned more about bullying and the affects it has on people. I hope that many more are learning from my book too.

By speaking out against bullying I am growing stronger each day and I stand proudly in the light of recovery.

MISSED A POST

This week due to a lot of stuff going on I forgot to write a blog post. Things have been a little bit crazy. I will have a post for you next week. If you live in my area don’t forget I’m signing books and speaking at McCord Library Saturday in North East PA at 10 am.

VALENTINE’S DAY

Happy Valentine’s Day. Some say it’s a day created by sores and restaurants to sell products. Some see it as an ordinary day while others see it as a special day to celebrate love. Those who are lonely and don’t have a special someone may find Valentine’s Day depressing.

Before I met my husband, I used to get depressed on Valentine’s Day. I imagined the perfect man to sweep me off my feet and shower me with gifts and love. For the longest time I thought there was no special man for me. I hated watching others celebrate and talk about the special day they had. I felt alone and unwanted. My prince charming didn’t exit, so I thought.

In my school years boys picked on me and in my adult years I waded through bad relationships. After my one ex I swore off men and figured that no man could ever handle my mental illness. I made plans to live with my parents and after they were gone, I hoped to live with my younger sister. Love wasn’t meant for me. I would live my life single.

That all changed when I met my husband, Lou. My husband spoils me with love every day. None of my exs were as generous as Lou. One boyfriend bought me gifts, told me the prices, and told me to take good care of them. When we broke up, I destroyed the gifts. Lou bought me stuff without worrying about the cost. He gave from his heart. Plus, Lou gives the gifts that money can’t buy: kisses before he goes to work in the morning, cuddles at bed time, snuggles on the couch while watching TV, helping me down the stairs of our porch when it’s wet or icy, and much more.

Lou never forgets a holiday. He’s a romantic. He never ceases to surprise me. Even though he shows me his endless love continuously, he loves to make Valentine’s Day magical. The days of loneliness and depression on February 14 are gone. Now I feel loved, cherished, and special. I no longer hate Valentine’s Day. I can’t wait to find out what surprise he has in store for me.

When you love someone, you show them every day. You don’t need a holiday to do it, but still Valentine’s Day can be fun. Some married couples may need a day to remind each other of their loves. Married couples can get caught in ruts. They become so busy with their jobs and duties that they forget to stop and spend extra time together. Valentine’s Day can be the day to rekindle those flames.

You don’t have to have a significant other to celebrate Valentine’s Day. You can give flowers to the people in your life that you love and care about. Give a card or candy to a friend, buy flowers for your mother, spend the day hanging out with family, and so on. Don’t let today put you into sadness. Celebrate the special people in your life. It’s not just a day to celebrate romance, but a day to celebrate love. Love can be shared with anyone in your life that mean a lot to you. Celebrate loving yourself. Buy yourself flowers, go for a nice dinner, or take a day to sit in your PJs and watch movies.

Love is in the air. Let’s celebrate everyone we love. Celebrating the love of my friends, family and Lou on Valentine’s Day helps me dance in the light of recovery. Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

AN APOLOGY LETTER

Part of life is getting hurt by people. Sometimes they hurt us by accident, some don’t even realize they hurt us, and some hurt us because they are not nice. Getting an apology helps ease the pain, but not everyone apologizes. How do we mend our broken hearts if a person who hurt us never apologizes?

Since my book has been published, people have asked me, “Has any of your bullies read your book and apologized?”

Unfortunately, none of them has apologized and I don’t expect them to. I’m not even sure they would admit it was them in my book if they read it. My friend, Roberta, suggested I try writing an apology letter from one of my bullies to me. I thought about it and decided that would be a great idea. Below is an apology letter I have written from one of the bullies in my book, Donna. If you haven’t read my book, Escape to the Garage: Family Love Overcomes Bullying, reading my book would give you a better idea about what Donna did to me.

Dear Aimee,

  I’m so sorry I called you a retard and other names in school. I didn’t understand what a learning disability was. I was a fool to think you were stupid. Look at you. You went to college. You wrote a book. You were never stupid or retarded. My words were cruel and wrong. I wish I could take them back. Now I’ve read your book and I can see how much they hurt you. I’m sorry I caused you so much pain.

  In school I thought you weren’t smart enough to ever work a job and I told you that you would be on welfare. Boy was I wrong. My life turned out to be a mess, but you went on to college, you got a degree, and you have worked the same job for twenty-seven years. I’m sorry I said that about you. I was so wrong. I’m the one who failed to succeed, but you are a success.

  I’m sorry I took your friends away and turned them against you. I’m sorry I stopped other kids from making a friendship with you. I didn’t feel good about myself and I turned that on you. I made your life miserable. It wasn’t nice of me to tell others lies about you so they wouldn’t be your friend. In a way I was jealous of you. My family and home life weren’t as good as yours, so in turn I made your school days miserable. I’m sorry for that.

  Maybe if I took the time to really get to know you, we could have been good friends. Maybe you could have been someone I could have confided in instead of someone I tore apart. I’m glad to see you were able to rise above the abuse I put you through and are now able to help others.

  You are a smart wonderful person and I’m sorry I never took the chance to get to know you for who you are. I can never take back all the pain I put you through or heal the wounds I caused, but at least I can do is tell you how wrong I was and how sorry I am.

   I am truly sorry for being so awful to you in school. I hope you will forgive me.

Sincerely,

Donna

I’d be surprised if I ever got an apology from Donna, but writing this letter helped ease the pain in my soul. It helped me see Donna as a person who acted out of ignorance and as an imperfect person instead of a monster. I’ll never be able to tell her I forgive her, but I forgive her for my own benefit. I don’t want to talk to her or have her in my life, but she is no longer that evil monster that tore me apart in school. Now I see her as a broken person who used her own insecurities to hurt me.

Try writing a letter of apology from the person who hurt you deeply. It will help you in the healing process and help you to forgive that person. It will also help you let go of the grip that person has on you. Once you have written the letter whisper or yell it out loud, “I forgive you.” Then let the wounds in your heart heal.

Writing the letter to Donna helped me heal. Because I wrote the letter I bathe in the light of recovery.

BULLYING AFFECTS MENTAL HEALTH

Bullying is aggressive behavior towards another person whether it be verbal or physical. It is a form of abuse. Many people can remember a time when they were bullied by another kid or an adult. When the bullying is a prolonged problem that expands over weeks, months, and years, it takes a toll on the person’s mental health, causing problems that may require medication and therapy to treat.

Bullying has effects on a person’s mental well-being that can last a long time or go away in a short time. It took therapy and medication to help me deal with the scars that bullying left on my soul. People can already be predisposed to mental illness through genetics and chemical imbalance, and the bullying brings it out.

I found lists of short-term and long-term effects of bullying on WebMD The Effects of Bullying on Mental Health: Impact and What To Do (webmd.com).

Here is a list of short-term effects of bullying:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Low self-esteem
• Self-harm
• Suicidal thoughts
• Difficulty sleeping

The long-term effects are:

• Generalized anxiety
• Panic Disorder
• Agoraphobia
• Depression
• Loneliness

Many of the short-term effects can go away in time, but sometimes they follow you into adulthood. I struggled from childhood to now as an adult with depression and anxiety. As a child I started self-harming by pulling my hair, pinching myself, and hitting myself. In my young adult years, I started cutting and burning myself.

 During my school, I struggled to sleep. I had nightmares about my bullies, my thoughts raced, and I was afraid to go to school the next day. I tried sleeping on the couch, snuggling with stuffed animals and I tried to fight my racing thoughts, but nothing helped. My sleeping problems continued into my adult years. I am currently on sleeping medication. Sometimes the medicine doesn’t even work. Instead of nightmares I struggle with obsessive worrying and racing thought.

I was also predisposed to psychological problems. Mental illness runs in my family and I have a chemical imbalance in my brain. These factors also made me more vulnerable to mental illness. The bullying was another factor that helped me slip down that dark hole. 

If you’re a parent or family member of a child or even an adult who is being bullied, look for the short and long-term effects of bullying. When you start to notice the short-term effects you should get the victim help. Also investigate your family history for mental illness. Know if it runs in your family, there is a chance you or your child may be predisposed to it. Tell your psychiatrist and therapist about your family history.

Any type of abuse takes a toll on a child’s or an adult’s well-being. We can save the victims of bullying by standing up for them, standing up against bullying, and helping the victims get help.

Speaking out against bullying and writing about it helps me stand proudly in the light of recovery.

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LIVING MY DREAM

In high school I found out I had the talent to write. I daydreamed a lot in class as a way to escape the bullying I faced, and I started writing my daydreams in notebooks. The best part of writing was that I was in control of what happened to my characters and I could give them happy endings. It was in high school that I started dreaming of publishing my own book. I dreamed of doing book signings and giving speeches. I just never imagined that it would feel this good.

Since I started writing my book, I have been telling everyone about my memoir and my writing progress. Even my dentist. This past week my gums started hurting when I drank or ate cold beverages or food. I called my dentist’s office, and they had an appointment for me. I brought my book to show the dentist. She went around to the employees in the office and asked them if they would like a copy, and she was buying. Before I knew it, she wrote me a check and told me she needed seven books. On the way out the secretary told me she wanted a book too, but she was paying for her own. So, all together I sold eight books at the dentist’s office. Bad news: I have gum disease. Good news: I made money at my appointment.

I have learned to take a few books with me wherever I go. I sold a book to my doctor and several books at my breast cancer support group Christmas party. I never know who will want to buy a copy of my book. I keep a bag with four books in my SUV and when I go to parties, out with friends, or to appointments I bring a couple with me.

Saturday the fourteenth I did a book signing at a small bookstore called Werner Books. A reporter from a local news station came and interviewed me. The interview was aired Saturday at 6 P.M. and 11 P.M. I watched it at both times. I was so excited to be on TV. Then on Monday my customers told me the interview of me was aired again. Customers keep coming in my line, telling me they saw me on TV, congratulating me, and asking where they can buy my book. Some customers are waiting in my line to get their books signed. I feel like a celebrity. Thursday Werner books contacted me and said they sold out of my books, and they had a waiting list for more. I took ten books to them. click the link below to watch me on the news.

https://www.yourerie.com/news/local-news/local-author-teaches-children-about-overcoming-bullying-with-new-book/

I can’t explain how wonderful I feel. I feel like I am floating on a cloud. My dream came true, and it feels better than I could have ever imagined. One customer insists I should be on Good Morning America. That is a long shot, but who knows. God has plans for me and my book. I just know his plans are big. He gave me the talent to write and the ability to share my story with the world. I’m letting him guide me in my path to stand up against bullying with my book and speaking.

Monday the sixteenth I spoke to Lawrence Park (the area where I live) Historical Society. I only sold one book, but I sold several, “Stop Bullying” leather bracelets I had woodburned. It was a small group of around ten, but I just spoke from the heart. Many who were there already had my book and just wanted to hear me speak. The Historical Society paid me to speak for them. It was my first paying speaking engagement.

I believe I survived bullying and the damage it caused so that I could write my memoir and talk about bullying to help others. I want to make as many people as possible aware of the affects bullying has on a person. I urge people who come to my talks to buy my bracelets and to wear them to show the world we are standing up against bullying.

My next speaking and book signing event is February 25 at McCord Library, NorthEast, PA at 10:00 A.M. I have a customer who works at a local school looking into having me speak at the school.

We don’t struggle through hard times for nothing. Our struggles and what we learned from them can help others. I’ll never be able to stop all bullying, but if I can help a few people and bring more awareness to it, I have accomplished a lot.

These wonderful experiences of selling my book and speaking to groups of people have me dancing with joy in the light.

Take the pledge today to stand up with me against bullying by buying one of my leather bracelets for $5.00 and wearing it with pride. Leave a comment if you would like a bracelet or email me at aimeeeddy3@gmail.com.

BULLYING WARNING SIGNS

Bullying is a big problem affecting people all around us, especially our children. Children are acting out violently, going into depression, and are even taking their lives because they are abused daily at school by their peers. Many children feel alone and unable to turn to others for help. They often struggle in silence. If you’re a parent or family member, it’s important to know the warning signs of bullying.

Below is a list I found on StopBullying.gov  of the warning signs for the adults in a child’s life to look out for. You know that old saying, “It takes a village to raise a child,” is true. Not only do the parents of children need to look out for the warning signs, but so do the other adults in their lives like aunts, uncles, grandparents, family friends, and so on.

Here is the list:

• Lost or destroyed belongings such as electronics, clothing, jewelry, and others
• Trouble sleeping or frequent nightmares
• Declining grades, loss of interest in schoolwork or not wanting to go to school
• Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social activities
• Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, or decreased self-esteem
• Self-destructive behaviors such as running away, self-harm, or talking about suicide

If you notice any of these signs in your children or children in your life, find them help. Talk to their teachers, guidance counselor, or principal, and if none of them listen to you, go to the school board. It’s important to encourage your children to talk to you, be willing to listen, and look into getting therapy for them. If you can’t afford a therapist, there are government funded programs that will get you help for a low price or for free.

When I was being bullied, the biggest mistake I made was to keep what was happening to myself. I suffered in silence and it led me down a dark road. If you’re being bullied, talk to someone you trust such as a parent, a family member, a teacher, a guidance counselor or other trusted adult. You can’t rise above bullying without help. Don’t suffer alone.

It’s important that we all spread the message that bullying is a form of abuse and it needs to stop. Since my book has been published, it has been my goal to speak up for those who can’t speak up for themselves. Spreading my message is helping me stand strong in the light of recovery.

Here’s the moment we all have been waiting for! I got five new followers through my contest to become a follower. I put all the usernames in a bowl and had my husband pick one. THE WINNER IS NEZIMM!!! Please email me with your choice of a “Stop Bullying,” woodburned bookmark or bracelet. My email is aimeeddy3@gmail.com.

REMEMBERING THE POSITIVES OF 2022

Facebook is full of posts about how bad 2022 was. We tend to leave the old year thinking about all that went wrong. We feel like we are shedding the hardships of a past year to start over in a new year. How about thinking about the positives that took place in the old year and using those positives to fuel a stronger and brighter new year? Every year we have trials and hardships, but we also have good things that take place in our lives.

As I prepared for 2023, I sat down and thought about 2022. I created a list of the positive things that took place in my life. Below is my list.

• I published my first book. It has been my dream since I was a teenager to have my very own book published. I will always remember 2022 as the year I made my dream come true.
• I found that I can speak passionately about something I feel strongly about. Since my book was published, I have been giving speeches about the damages of bullying. Without writing out a speech, I have spoken from the heart and it came out powerfully.
• An article was published in a local paper about me and my book. Since the article came out, people have complimented me, told me their stories about being bullied, and have praised me for my hard work.
• I went a whole year without surgery. After going through several surgeries, one after another, I am proud to have made it through 2022 without any surgeries or major health problems.
• My husband and I took a long trip to my best friend Cheryl’s. I had not seen Cheryl in six years, and the trip to see her was priceless. We even got to spend time with her daughter Brianna. Lou, Esther (our dog), and I had a wonderful time at Cheryl’s house.
• I spent a day with my niece from North Carolina. My niece came to visit family on her fathers’ side, and I took her out to lunch, shopping, to my house, and to Dairy Queen. We had so much fun together.
• My niece, Kayla who lives in Tennessee, gave birth to her third child, an adorable boy, my great nephew. I got to meet and hold Decaln for the first time on Thanksgiving.
• I threw my husband a big sixtieth birthday party. His birthday was in February, but in July I threw him an outdoor party. Despite the rain, it was a wonderful party and I enjoyed seeing him so happy.
• Esther, our dog, healed well from surgery. She had a large stone in her bladder caused by an infection and had surgery to remove it. She is doing great.

My list of positive helps me look back at 2022 with a smile, and it allows me to look forward to more joy in 2023. I’m ready to continue to grow and succeed in the new year. I face the new year like a shining star shooting into a year with bigger dreams.

Sit down and write about your positive events of 2022. Don’t dwell on all the bad things that happened. Let the good guide you into a new year. As you go through 2023 remember to face the hardships with strength and hold the positives close to your heart.

2022 did have some hardships, but the good outweighed the bad. I ended 2022 with a heart filled with joy and I face the new year with even bigger hopes and plans. Keeping track of the positive helps me stand brightly in the light of recovery.

This is the last week for the contest. Become a follower now so you can be entered to win a prize. If you are a follower encourage your friends to become followers.

NO POST THIS WEEK

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and kept warm. Working in a grocery store at Christmas is very busy and tiring. After work all I wanted to do was collapse on the couch. I was too tired to write a post this week. I hope to sit down and write one for next week.

Don’t forget about my contest. Follow and you’ll be entered to win a prize. I’ll pick the winner after new years. See you in the new year.