FACING A ROUGH TIME

Cancer has affected almost everyone’s life in some way or another, whether it be a friend, co-worker, family member, or your own journey. Cancer likes to rear its ugly head and leave a wound or scar on the soul. It’s hard to face going through your own cancer and then face it again with a loved one. When you have depression and anxiety, facing hardships like this can deepen your illness or send you down that dark hole again.

When my grandpa got prostate cancer many years ago, they said he’d die of natural causes before he’d die of cancer. The sad thing is the cancer spread throughout his body and he struggled to the end. I kept breaking down so much when I went to see him in the hospital that I couldn’t go see him anymore.

Then when I learned I had breast cancer, my thoughts went back to my grandpa and I thought I was also going to die a miserable death, but I didn’t. I’m still here, proud to be a survivor.

I prayed cancer would never affect our family again, but it has. After a week long vacation, my husband and I came home to the news that my dad has bone cancer. I put on a brave face on for my parents, but when I got home, I broke down. I cried in Lou’s arms. Then in the days after the announcement, I went from okay to falling apart. It became a matter of waiting to see when they would start chemo and the next steps. I didn’t have to go through chemo when I had cancer, but there was a lot of dreaded waiting. Waiting to find out if I had the BRCA gene, waiting to find out what was next, and wondering what was going to happen to me. All those memories returned with my dad. The old emotions and fears resurfaced.

My dad is a handy man and a mechanic. He can fix almost anything. He fixes cars, lawn mowers, and even private airplanes. He has fixed and still fixes many of my vehicles. He does repairs around his own home, has helped remodel his church and has done repairs in my home. If he’s sitting down too long, he thinks he’s being lazy. He gives from the bottom of his heart to his family, friends, and strangers. I don’t always agree on his views, but I love him endlessly. Hearing he has bone cancer sent a knife deep in my heart.

My father has always been a healthy, active man even at seventy-four. Nothing kept him down. His oncologist said his cancer wasn’t life threatening, but they said something similar about Grandpa’s. I can’t bear the thought of losing my dad from a miserable struggle with this horrible disease. This troubled me greatly. I don’t want to lose my dad. I cried more tears in Lou’s arms.

Then my dad had to take a class about his treatment and start shots and chemo. My younger sister came to town to go to appointments with them. I was relieved but I felt guilty. I stress every six months when I go to the cancer center for my checkups, but going there for my dad seemed even more frightening. I just couldn’t do it, but I felt it was my responsibility. My older sister is struggling with health problems, and as the second oldest I should be at my parents’ side while my dad goes through his treatments, but emotionally I can’t handle it.

I remember making the decision to have a double mastectomy and then a full hysterectomy. I cried about it and agonized over it. Then there was the news that I would have to wait six months to do reconstruction and it would take several surgeries for it. I decided not to do reconstruction, and I had to learn to love myself as a woman without breasts. I felt like I was getting one let down one after another. My whole life was changing, and I fell into a depression. Those feelings came back as my dad faced his treatments.

When my sister told me the details of my dad’s treatments, I realized my dad’s life would be forever changed. His food had to be washed before being prepared, masks in public, washing his hands frequently, being susceptible to illnesses, and chemo every day. I felt that anguish inside me like the anguish I felt when I had cancer.

Then as we came closer to the beginning of his treatments, I began to worry obsessively how chemo would affect him. Would he no longer be that active and strong man I always knew? Would he get very sick? Would he need lots of extra care? The worries flooded me, and I felt the sadness of depression taking control. My muscles were tense, my stomach twisted, and the tears came expectantly. I struggled to sleep or even focus on everyday things.

When he made it through his first shots and chemo pill without many problems, I sighed with relief. Now I worry about him catching an illness and ending up in the hospital. I worry about my dad having more side effects from the chemo pill the longer he takes it. The worries flood my mind and I feel like I’m losing control of my illness. I feel the pain of my emotions searing throughout my soul. The tears, the endless worries, and my chest tightening has me struggling to hold on to the edge of my hole. I feel like I’m losing control, and I will be at the bottom of that hole again.

I remind myself this is just a rough time, and I can get back to the top of the hole again. I lean on my support system, I journal my feelings, and I plan to work on some woodburning projects and my next book. I talked to my psychiatrist about my struggles with my depression during this rough time, and he upped my medicine.

Rough times are part of recovery from mental illness and part of the struggle with this sickness. The important part of dealing with rough times is using coping techniques, leaning on your support team, and asking for extra help from your therapist or psychiatrist. There will always be bad things happening in our lives, threatening to make the struggle with or recovery from mental illness rougher, but the most important thing is how you handle it. Don’t let it destroy you or throw you down that hole again. You can get through life’s heartaches and still work towards recovery or stay in recovery.

My dad’s journey has just begun and what is to come is unknown. Our hopes are that he will reach recovery. My struggles with this rough time will take a lot of work and coping, but I will soon stand in the light of recovery again.

RELEASE YOUR FEELINGS IN A JOURNAL

When struggling with mental illness, many are bombarded by racing thoughts, painful emotions, and an overload of feelings. Our thoughts trigger our emotions and feelings. Together they can cause physical problems such as achy shoulders, chest pain, upset stomach, and labored breathing. Often feelings become trapped within, causing anxiety, panic attacks, and unhealthy coping techniques like self-injury. A good way to release those feelings is to put them in a journal.

When I was in a mental health hospital, a friend brought me a journal and a pen. I began to journal every day. I poured out all my feelings on the pages. It felt like a weight was being lifted off my shoulders. When I got out of the hospital, I took my journal everywhere like a security blanket. I wrote in it at restaurants, on my break at work, sitting at a park, in my car, and other places.

My therapist gave me assignments to write journal entries about certain things that were bothering me and then we would discuss them in our sessions. She used them to develop a plan on how to teach me coping techniques and to learn how to change my pattern of thinking. She even had me keep a separate journal to write positive things in each day. It was very hard to come up with things good about my life at that time, but I worked hard at it.

You might think, “I don’t know what to write in a journal,” “I’m not good at writing,” Or “I’d rather draw.” You can start by writing, “Today I feel..” and let your thoughts and feelings flow. You could even put an emotion down like “I am sad and that makes me feel…” You could write a letter to yourself or to someone who hurt you. The possibilities are endless.

The good thing about journals is that you don’t have to be a good writer and you don’t even have to be grammatically correct. You could even write so badly that you can’t read your own writing. Just write. No one is going to read it but you.  

If you’re not good at putting your feelings in words but you like to draw, then draw pictures that portray your feelings. Get a journal with blank pages and fill it with your artwork. Express yourself with pencils, colored pencils, markers, or whatever works best for you. If you’re feeling like your world is falling apart, then put it into your drawings in your journal. Release your feelings in the way that works best for you, whether it be writing or drawing.

As I mentioned earlier, therapy my therapist had me keep a second journal where I wrote positive things about my day. At first it was very hard to come up with good things, but in time it got easier. If you decide to keep a separate positive journal, that’s fine. You could also write out your feelings in your journal and then add five positive things at the end of each entry.

You might be so far down in the hole of your mental illness that coming up with positive things seems impossible. Start small like “I got out of bed today” or “I took a shower.” For many with mental illness it’s a struggle just to get up and moving. Some find it takes a lot of energy just to take a shower. To accomplish these things is wonderful. As you work hard towards recovery, the positives become easier to come up with.

You can become creative with your journal, you can use stickers or pictures. You can cut out inspirational sayings from a magazine or news articles and put them in your journal. I have put obituaries for people I have lost and compliments from my customers in some of my journals. It’s your journal; you can put whatever you want in it and decorate it to your liking.

Journaling isn’t for everyone. If you’ve tried journaling and found it didn’t help you or you just couldn’t keep up with it, then investigate other ways of expressing your feelings like painting, playing a musical instrument, singing, or walking. Don’t keep your feelings inside you. They only cause more harm when you let them fester and build up with no release.

For me journaling has become a healthy coping technique. I no longer carry my journal with me everywhere and I don’t journal every day, but it still gets me through rough days. When I’m going through a hard time, I sit and journal. I not only put my feelings in it, but I problem solve, I brainstorm story ideas, and so much more. That’s how I came up with these blog posts. Journals can have several purposes. So, use your journal in whatever way works best for you.

Because I release my feelings in my journals, the light of recovery fills me.

COPING TIPS FOR THE HOLIDAYS

With the holidays come stress, anxiety, and depression. For many with mental illness the holidays are a very rough time of year bringing many expectations. We are often put out of our comfort zone, we feel lonely, we expect more out of ourselves than we can do, and so on. Many with mental illness find themselves falling deeper into that hole while others are celebrating and having fun.

How do we cope with the holidays? How do we make it through Christmas without having a breakdown? The answer to these questions is to use coping techniques. Below are a few coping techniques that may help you.

Coping techniques:

• Don’t overexert yourself. If your house isn’t sparkling clean, that’s okay. People do not come to see your home, but to see you. Do the best you can and let it be. If cooking a whole meal is too much for you, ask others to bring a dish or get one of those already cooked meals from a restaurant or store. Doing more than you are able to do can deepen your illness.
• Do something special for a loved one you lost. Holidays are hard when you have lost a loved one. Do something special in remembrance of your loved one like light a candle, make his or her favorite dish, put a stocking up for him or her, go to a service for those who lost loved ones, and so on. Make their memory a special part of your holiday.
• It’s okay to say no. If you are feeling overwhelmed by large crowds and your friends want you to go to a party, it’s okay to say no. Don’t punish yourself for saying no. Ask your friend to do something with just the two of you. If your family wants you to make Christmas dinner and it’s too much stress and anxiety for you to handle, it’s okay to say no.
• Take care of yourself. If you’re feeling down because of the holidays, make it a point to get up in the morning, be sure to eat, and take a shower. Get out of bed and find something to do that is relaxing to you like a craft, adult coloring book, or crossword puzzles. If you feel overwhelmed, take a relaxing bath, or play your favorite music. Don’t forget to take your medication.
• Don’t isolate yourself. If being alone triggers your illness and makes it worse, then find a friend or family member who can visit you or you can visit. Don’t dodge phone calls from your family and friends. Make extra therapy appointments. Try treating yourself to a movie or a Christmas show. Don’t hide in your home or room, sinking deeper and deeper down the hole. If you need to call a crisis hotline, call it.
• Lean on your support team. Your support team should be friends and family members whom you’ve educated about your illness. They are there for you to lean on. Confide in them and listen to their advice. Don’t worry about ruining their holidays or being a burden. You chose them to help you for a reason so call, text, or visit them.
• Keep a budget. Gifts and dinner supplies along with your normal bills are expensive. Decide on a budget for your holiday supplies and gifts and don’t go over it. It’s not how much you spend that counts; it’s the love that goes into it that’s important. It’s okay to buy cheaper gifts or to even make your own gifts. Going broke buying the best and most popular gifts and supplies isn’t wise if you can’t afford it. Adding to credit card bills, skipping household bills, and going without essentials to buy gifts only increases stress, anxiety, and depression. Keeping to a budget you can afford will help you feel better.
• Be proud of the small steps. If you overcome your depression to get out of bed, pat yourself on the back. If you went out of the house, even if it was to put a Christmas card in the neighbor’s mailbox, be proud of yourself. If you take a shower, be proud of yourself. If you went online and bought a loved one a Christmas gift, pat yourself on the back. Small steps are important ones. Don’t shrug them off; be happy that you were able to accomplish them and celebrate them.
• If you have no family, still celebrate. If your family lives far away or you have no, one don’t sit alone and dwell on being by yourself. Many places offer free meals and restaurants serve holiday meals; take part in those. Have your own celebration and invite a lonely neighbor or co-worker. Remember the reason for the holiday and celebrate that.

Holidays are supposed to be a joyous time of year. With commercialism we put too much into things we buy, and this can cause mental illness to worsen. Follow some of these coping techniques and talk to your therapist about other techniques to help you get through the holidays.

The holidays increase my stress and anxiety, but by practicing coping techniques I can find the joy in them. Finding the joy in the holidays helps me celebrate in God’s gifts and the light of recovery.